Dispatches from the middle

I am DEFINITELY an introvert. In all ways, from all angles. In accordance with introvert lore, this doesn’t mean I’m not social, or don’t enjoy spending time with friends, or even meeting new people. It does mean that I need quiet time by myself to recharge on at least a daily basis. And it also means that the prospect of “networking” is both exhausting and a little terrifying. I hate small talk, and much prefer having an involved conversation than trying to flit from group to group, laughing far too loudly about things that aren’t funny and collecting business cards like trophies with the hollow promise of follow-up that will likely not happen.

After attending a conference recently, at which I did participate in a number of networking events, I got to thinking about some strategies that could make networking a bit more palatable for those of us who find forced social/professional situations so incredibly draining.

1. Pay attention to scheduling. Set aside time every day to be quiet, to be alone, to read, to exercise, to do whatever is necessary for you to recharge comfortably and effectively. This is not self-indulgence, this is optimizing functionality.

2. Along these lines, give yourself a time limit for events. If the conference program, for example, says networking from 7 – 9 pm, then give yourself permission to leave at 8:30 pm(having to leave to attend to email, for example, is something everyone can sympathize with). If you feel like staying later, great. If not, recognize that it’s important to recharge as well – if you’re exhausted and cranky, interacting with people you don’t know becomes even more difficult.

3. Have a plan going in. Spend a couple of minutes looking through the conference program or guest list, if available, and pick out a couple of people you’d really like to meet, or with whom you know you’ll have something to discuss. This will cut down on the aimless wandering and awkward conversation…and the creeping feelings of inadequacy and panic that tend to accompany both.

4. When I hear the word “networking,” I tend to think “meeting everyone in the room”. This probably doesn’t have to be the case. If you can talk to even a couple of people who present interesting or inspiring information and ensure that you exchange contact information, then you’ve come out ahead.

4a. Following the previous point, I was overjoyed to figure out that by engaging in a more involved conversation with one or two people you will often draw others. They’ll come by (clearly you have something interesting to say), say hello, introduce themselves, join the conversation, and then likely leave after a short time. Sometimes they’ll add a great deal to the interaction, sometimes not so much, but my introvert self is happy to let others do the work here!

5. I mentioned above the follow-up that never happens. It doesn’t have to be that way though, and follow-up can be the introvert’s best tool in networking effectively. Following up with people you meet at an event is a great way to ensure that they’ll remember you, and/or to ask the question or propose the idea you hadn’t thought of when struggling through the small talk. Personally, I tend to have my best thoughts about a day too late. So sending a “nice-to-meet-you-and-by-the-way…” email works very well. This is probably a networking rule, generally speaking, but I find the knowledge that I could and should get in touch with these people again relieves a lot of the pressure to whip out the sparkling (if often meaningless) conversation the first time, every time.

6. And lastly, but certainly not leastly, remember that walking up to strangers and initiating conversations out of the blue is precisely what these types of events are for (as counter-intuitive as this behaviour may be for some of us!). People want and expect others to introduce themselves and join conversations, to approach and be approachable.

This is just a start, and the best way to feel more comfortable networking is to practice, but I always like to have a plan and an idea of why and how things work. Any other suggestions??