Dispatches from the middle

My great-aunt passed away recently, and my father and I drove out to BC for her memorial service this last weekend. As much as it was a sad occasion, it turned out to be a wonderful weekend. Road trips with my dad are one of my favorite things (we like the same music, end up on the same pee schedule, and enjoy each others company immensely). It was great to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and I learned so much about my great-aunt’s life and the history of that side of the family. She was an amazing woman and I’d like to say a bit about her as an example of a principle I hold dear and a model for how I would like to live my life. I have to credit my father with putting these thoughts about my aunt together (he gave one of many touching presentations at her memorial), but I couldn’t agree more.

Aunt Esther exemplified the idea that you determine the person you become through the choices you make, or, in other words, that you become the person you choose to be. She made numerous choices over the course of her life, but there are three that stand out as defining her person, and these are all choices that I will strive to emulate for the rest of my life.

First of all, she chose to be courageous and independent. After losing her mother, her son, and her husband over the course of just a few years, instead of giving up, of succumbing to sadness and loss, she moved (as a 55 year old woman in the 1960’s) to a new city, went to school, and became a nurse’s aid. She found a job, supported herself, and eventually met the man who would become her second husband and who would accompany her through the happiest years of her life. She simply made the choice to be brave and to steer her life in the direction she wanted. As a result, she not only found happiness for herself, but made a positive contribution to the lives of everyone who knew her.

Secondly, she chose to reach out to the people who where important to her. There was never any doubt in our minds that Aunt Esther loved us. Small gestures like ensuring everyone’s birthday card arrived early every year, or calling just to say “hello” and see how we were doing reminded us how much she cared. The ability to make everyone feel special in their own unique way is a precious skill, and it’s one she chose to cultivate.

Finally, she chose to be thankful. Despite all the curve-balls life threw her, she managed to find things to be thankful about – friends, family, a phone call, a letter, the birds in her garden, a beautiful sunny day. She was always happy about something, however simple, however small. She loved life and she lived her 97 years incredibly well.