Dispatches from the middle

Day 16: Right from the get-go, we encourage children to recognize and capitalize on the supposedly infinite wealth of possibility and opportunity strewn at their feet: “You can be whatever you want to be!”, “Follow your dreams/heart/passion/bliss!”, “Do what you love!” As much as I appreciate the value in encouraging children (adults too!) and recognizing and honoring their potential, I see two problems with these vague exhortations. First and most obviously, such pronouncements are not, in the majority of cases, representative of the way the world works. It is not always possible to be or do the thing you think you want most, and this is not easy to accept, especially when being capable of any feat has been presented as a right and a certainty from the time you were wee. When I finished high school, I enrolled in the Honors Physics program at my university. Because I was so interested in the field, no one insisted I pay attention to my natural aptitudes (i.e. not math and physics!) instead of setting off to solve the secrets of the universe and become an astronaut, or that I should look into the career possibilities this degree would afford me before registering. I simply coasted out of high school and into university on the notion that I was capable of anything and, thus, could do whatever the hell I wanted.

Things were great for about a year and a half; I had a lot of positive experiences and learned a great deal. But eventually, I crashed and burned. I worked hard; the problem was not lack of effort. The problem was, for the first time in my life, being rudely confronted with my own limitations. The fact that it was too hard, that I could no longer do the math or grasp the concepts was such a startling blow that it occasioned a not insignificant personal crisis. I was completely unequipped to deal with not even failure (never actually failed a course), but with the very idea that I wasn’t cut out for something I’d chosen to do. Or that I’d made a poor choice to begin with.

Which leads me to my second point – what I see to be a greater problem with the “anything’s possible” mentality is the lack of direction and focus it provides. “Anything” is absolutely crippling when it comes to making decisions. The glut of possibilities immobilizes. Choosing between becoming a doctor and becoming a dentist is one thing. Deciding to take a new position or accept a promotion is an important decision, but not an impossible one. Sitting back, looking at the great wide world, and trying to pluck the needle of aptitude and passionate devotion out of the haystack of ANYTHING is a completely different story. Instead of promoting infinite possibility, we would do much better to teach realistic and targeted decision-making skills.

I recently read a fascinating article in the New York Times on “Decision Fatigue”:

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/08/21/magazine/do-you-suffer-from-decision-fatigue.html?pagewanted=all

Making decisions takes energy; the more decisions we make – the number of which necessarily increases the more possibilities we have to entertain – the more energy we expend and the more fatigued we become, at least mentally. This then results in a reduced capacity to make well-considered decisions. Forced to make too many decisions, people become more likely to act impulsively, to give in to temptation, or to opt for simpler, easier solutions. Eventually recovering from the physics experiment and graduating with a 4.0 GPA, I could have gone anywhere (at least in the English/German-speaking world) to do graduate studies. This ANYWHERE, however, was so overwhelming it paralyzed me. So I chose the easiest path, deciding to stay home and do my Master’s at the U of A. This turned out to be a very positive experience and I certainly don’t regret it. But I am aware that the decision was poorly informed and made largely out of fear. I didn’t apply anywhere else. I didn’t even look into other programs. I was still incapable of narrowing down my options and making a well-considered decision when faced with a broad range of possibilities.

Even now, I read the title of the NYT article – “Do You Suffer From Decision Fatigue?” – and immediately answer “yes!”. The idea of designing and creating a career is a route that I find fascinating and appealing. The problem is, it opens up, yet again, a huge wealth of possibilities. I find myself thinking, “well, I could really do anything.” It may take me a very long time to learn from experience, but I do eventually learn. Trying to explore every possibility contained within “anything” will lead either to no action whatsoever, or to a decision made rashly and impulsively. To combat this, I’m working on a list (of course) of…

…strategies to decrease the number and difficulty of decisions:

1. Eliminate minor or unnecessary decisions where possible. For example, if it doesn’t really matter what sort of shampoo you use, just buy the same kind. Don’t think about it. Weighing pros and cons about something so minor needlessly consumes energy.

2. Try to make the most important decisions in the morning, or at whatever point in the day you’re most rested and alert.

3. Make decisions in the now. You should act with a view to facilitating future plans, but don’t try to account for all possible contingencies in every decision you make. It’s impossible to do so and will result in inertia.

4. Try to limit, in whatever ways possible, the number of options you have to choose from. Choosing between two appealing holiday destinations is much easier than asking yourself “Now where in the world do I want to go?”. Unless, of course, you’ve got three turtles to help you. And/or some french fries.

5. Try to find people whose advice you take very seriously and who can show you the gaps in your thinking. For me, this is my dad. He’s always able to show me the angle I’ve missed in thinking something through. When you have a difficult decision to make, go to these people first. Talk it through, but be selective in who you engage.

6. Don’t try to optimize everything and act less on the basis of want. It’s a lot easier, at the end of a long, decision-filled day to answer the question “What do I have for dinner?” than it is to answer “What do I want for dinner?”. Trying to suss out preferences and desires when it’s not crucial that these be catered to takes up a lot of energy.

7. Perhaps most importantly, once you’ve made a decision, don’t second guess it. Choose a path and continue down it. When you encounter another decision, make it as best you can, own it, and continue on. Don’t torture yourself rehashing options and scenarios. Action is always better.