Dispatches from the middle

To follow up on the previous post, here are some more targeted thoughts regarding one not-necessarily-running-related manifestation of competition… A couple months ago, I was inspired by a friend of mine to start thinking about what “feminism” really means, and more specifically, what it means to me. She suggested that feminism be a movement based in self-confidence and contentment, and in learning to value other women instead of compete with them. I think this is fantastic – perhaps it’s time for feminism to move towards an examination of intra-gender relations.

The degree to which competition between women is fostered in media and generally in terms of social climate, is a terrible thing. And I’m just as guilty of it as the next person – I shudder to think of the number of times I’ve seen or heard about another woman and, without further thought or consideration, allowed myself to feel suspicion, animosity, disdain, or anger stemming from a sudden rush of fear that she was “better” than me and would therefore be happier, more successful, more desirable, and better liked. All of which really has nothing to do with the object of competition and everything to do with my own insecurities! And these are, of course, only compounded by allowing myself to compare people, and always people I don’t know, in such a merciless and superficial manner. Questions of who one wants to be, and if one is being/becoming that person in the best way possible (common concerns) cannot be productively addressed, let alone answered, through paranoid competition and comparison. But we continue to fall into that trap.

I think, therefore, that the aforementioned friend (thanks, Aspen!!) is absolutely right to regard other women as sources of wisdom and inspiration, and I can’t think of anything better to base a new feminism on than that. All the women in my life who I know well – and many whom I’d like to know well, but may not yet – are amazing to me. They’re wonderful people, each beautiful and skilled and flawed and loveable in her own way. They form a network of support and inspiration that I feel honored to be a part of. I would never dream of competing with them; I don’t feel jealous of their successes, I feel motivated by them, which is interesting because it highlights the fact that this insidious competition occurs primarily between people who don’t even know one another. How terrible is that? Sabotaging friendships before they begin.

There is absolutely a link between self-confidence and valuing other women. I’m not sure if one necessarily comes first; it’s probably best that the two develop together. How to do that, then?  The most obvious first step to me would be recognizing what lies at the roots of these resentments – personal discontent, socialization, whatever the case may be. Then, simply to support and encourage and value the women around me, to enjoy their diversity, to learn from them, and to curb the compulsion to competition. Not always easy, but definitely something worth doing.

My next question would be how to extend this attitude/approach to include men? I wonder if there are similar pressures and instances of groundless competition between men? There must be. I’m should ask around, because I see these ideas as being beneficial to everyone, not just to and between women. Which brings me to a couple thoughts on terminology. The word “feminism” is a particularly loaded one because of its past applications and connotations, and I think it’s getting to the point where a new term might be useful. I see the development of a lot of disciplines, movements, ideas etc. being hampered by old terminology and the associations people have with these words – they’re bogged down by residual significances. I would put forward the same argument, for example, with respect to the term “Women’s Studies”. One of my professors gave me an article on pedagogy in Women’s Studies to proofread and I found it really, really interesting, but it seemed to me that a lot of what she described Women’s Studies as dealing with was absolutely not limited to women in its applicability. The impression I got was that the theory and practice of Women’s Studies is applicable to all manner of minorities, be they cultural, social, economic, or sexual. I realize that the discipline probably began as a forum for investigating issues faced by women, but it’s become so much broader than that that the term “Women’s Studies” doesn’t seem to do the breadth of the discipline justice anymore. Similarly, I’m starting to wonder if the word “feminism,” reified as it is by its history, is really still representative of the sort of ideas I see people proposing. Thus, I can definitely understand why people would choose not to associate themselves with the term. However, I think repudiating a label without explanation or qualification is just as dangerous as assuming one without explanation or qualification. We’ll get so much more out of examining terms, altering them to fit our needs and/or coming up with new ones, and exchanging our ideas than from simply yay-ing or nay-ing affiliations. I would love to hear what people think about the term “feminism” – what does it connote for you? How do you engage with it?